yobech505

Shelves

Sometimes I’m lost in a section of my own history that leaves me in a mystic trance.  Not out of control, or oblivious, but wondering.  In the ‘deep end of the woods’ wondering.  What was the needing, why do emotions and hearts concur more with what didn’t happen than with what did?  Where, in all of this, is the reason for the person we have first, primary in the cell space between our ears?

Our purpose is more often analyzed as a subject of experts.  Religions, Materia Medica,  Science,  and the proverbial European or Eastern philosophy soothsayer tells us what it is, why it happens and where it is supposed to go.

Yet, what do they really comprehend?  How deep into the human emotion can someone who has never been inside any brain but his or her own really scoop into the inner thought rails of someone else.  They guess.  Some, I suppose, sell snake oil while others delve into research, asking tens, hundreds, or thousands, what is it that is really rolling around in the memory and purpose cage?

You can tell them whatever you want, by the way.  You never have to avoid fibbing.  Huge whoppers or mini truth benders are at your disposal.  The real inside story is yours alone.  Do with it what you wish.

Or, more than likely, it will do whatever in hell it wants to do.  And it has nothing or everything to do with what comes out of the mouth.

The inner thought is independent.  It doesn’t need anything but the heart.  And it decides what should come out as truth, based on need, desire, or the true strength of the heart to hold on to what only it can decide is necessary to share.

Emotions play a part.  They have to.  And so does maturity, in that same sense.  And that, too, determines what an ‘expert’ really needs to know.  Further, it’s translation is pure made up mumbo jumbo, subject to the point of view of the person who thinks the mind of the individual can be broached.

So I could say I love you, and I always will, and to you it could always be just words.  It could be to me as well.  But you, and your guru,  will never know in absolution.  Only my brain can go that deep.

Actions often make noise for us as we do our best to prove a point.  The partially used human brain can put on quite a show, making all kinds of neat attempts at overloading the target with propaganda filled praise. Self appointed pros could say they are nothing but attempts to influence favorably. And in this regard, we can only depend on trust from the other person that what we say is what is really true, based on what is collective in our neurons and memory storage device.

Do I say it in sincerity?  I’m telling you that I do.

Emotional maturity might keep me from announcing it, but, as this writing itself attests, that is not the case.

It is irrelevant through all that though.  I know how I feel.  I know what is going on.  I know what direction it can go, can’t go and probably will go.  I could tell the college trained expert the same thing.  This ‘psych’ title prefixed person will then analyze it, take it apart, rebuild it like a Lego fort, and tell me what I need to do.    I can be told ‘that it will go away’, ‘I will learn to handle it’, ‘it is part of growing up’, ‘learn from it’, and other endearing remedy quotes of expertise.

Advice offered with sincerity.  But only I will really know.  The true inscription is carved in a place only I can find.  So, if I say ‘I will love you always’, only on a shelf somewhere inside of me, do I keep the evidence that it is true.