yobech505

Honest Kiss a Cow.

A term my mother used to use.  Honest kiss a cow.  I should ask her where it came from.

Good advice, for the you and me people who want to make the best of things.  But it comes, not just with pitfalls, but will massive doses of lost footing canyon drops.  It has the taproots of a ruined relationship scribbled all over the surface.

I don’t know many who can grasp and keep a hold of it.  Yes, we all like the honesty part, but experience has educated my internal processor to an understanding that, many people don’t really want to hear it.

My advice to newly weds has always been the same.  “The secret to communicating is listening even when it is something you don’t want to hear.”  The response is always the same.  “We do.” or “I know.”, but they don’t and they don’t.

It’s a learned skill, and is one that a plethora of people don’t learn.  It takes time, and more than that, experience.  And is met at every oversized pebble in the way, with resistance.  People don’t want to know that you think what they just did sucks!.  They don’t want to be informed that their action doesn’t have the same significance to you as it does to them.  If it isn’t pleasing to the eardrum connectors to the brain, they don’t want to hear it.

For me,  if it hurts, I want to tell you that it hurts.   If I don’t like it, I want to say just that.  And I want to do it without the recoil.

I wouldn’t do it with the dumbass effect.  Tact is always a strategic approach.  I don’t want to cause misery, I just want to be honest.  Tactfully.

Choosing the right word is certainly a good idea.  Relayed in the simplest of sentences; you have to be able to tell someone they’re a moron without directly calling them that. If you don’t agree, somehow they need to understand that, in your mind, they are filling the bathtub but forgot to put the stopper in the drain.  You ain’t gonna soak in the bubbles.  And in the major caseloads, tactfully does it with better effect. Also allows ‘nice’. Your choice of vocabulary in this moment of revelation can make or break the conversation.  It will continue with a peaceful parlay or you will end it in the blink of a bee’s eye.

It still has to be honest, sincerely honest, just like your reaction.

Can the average homo sapien, regardless of gender, learn to be completely tolerant of a bedmate’s point of observation?  Who among us can accept the other sans baggage, opinion or interpretation?  And is that level of oral correspondence worthwhile, or desirable?

An answer would have to go back to the love thing.  To do that, you would have to know the difference between love, infatuation, control and obsession.  They are not the same which points a big toe at, they are not connected.  But the love part has to be there, and if it is, then acceptance should be easy.  It isn’t.  But learning it now has a chance.

So I am going to be in depth honest.  At full gallop I will not pull back on the reins.  The throttle on the honest mobile will be to the floor.  Expect; harshly up front, pin point to the point, unabashed holdbacknothingness, all tactfully, of course.