yobech505

My Confidant

Indulged relationships, those that we tend to really get into, have a side that some might call dark, but others would call expected.  That is the role of each person to the other as a confidant.

To some, it is essential at the beginning.  To others, it has to be maintained.  And, it an honest way, it is a complete trust you give someone else.

Now they know all about you.  If they don’t, they do share fears, concerns and inner workings. It is probably mutual too.

Not being in a relationship right now, I miss that sharing part of it.  I was at a point, in my last duo experience, where I enjoyed telling her what was going on in my mind, often going into my soul and uploading information into her hard drive.  No passwords, no firewalls.  She knew whatever she wanted to know and probably a lot of manure she didn’t.

A confidant is good because they want to hear what you have to say.  Or, at least they pretend they do.  They also give advice, point a direction or make you a cup of coffee.

It is kind of cool that they also take this information, try to unscramble it for you, then send it back, whether it be via e-mail, text, blog or actual live conversation.  With their opinion attached, of course.

But that is why you give them the data in the first place.

If you could figure it out on your own, you wouldn’t need them.  You could talk to yourself and the people around you could gossip about your lunacy or that you were using some type of invisible hands free earphones.

There are probably people who do that.

I just liked having a confidant.  I liked having someone to ramble at.  I could shout, cry, whine, complain and just be a general pain in the tucas. My confidant would listen, inject a word or two, then critique my situation, circumstances or the person I was confiding about.  All in confidence.

So when things go ‘south’, when the physical relationship ends, what do we end up pondering about?  She knows so much about me.  My inner secrets are not just exposed but permanent markered all over my wall.

I can’t undo it.  There is no recall button, no escape key.  Even if there was, this would be one of those situations where the key wouldn’t work anyway.

It’s out there.  She has it.  And she can do whatever she wants with it.

I suppose if we hated each other it would be a legitimate concern.  But, even then, it probably wouldn’t.  Where’s the benefit in it?  If you were a person bent on revenge then it might be beneficial, but I think most people would suppress it naturally.

When I opened my soul, I did it without expectation.  And honestly, she can do what she wishes with it.  I could be ashamed if there were anything to be ashamed about, but there isn’t.  I could be afraid, but I’m not.  I could worry but why?  It’s all out there.  The ice cream already dropped from the cone to the ground.

Besides, there is nothing anyone needs to know right now.  If they do, I will tell them myself.  Or she can, if she wants to.

The combined knowledge of those few confidants in my life could be life changing I suppose.  But love is funny. Once it has been there, it puts access blockers into place.  I would have to think extremely hard to bring up all that she told me about herself.  I would have to embellish the real with what I think my audience wants to hear.  I don’t do that very well, so why bother.