yobech505

Page 11

Mahalo

            Not the words you want to hear on a thank you note from a former lover.  Intimacy be damned, she wrote “mahalo”, (‘thank you’ in Hawaiian).  Boy, did the blood pressure rise with that one.   Just a tiny section of an eon ago, she told me “I Love You”, now it’s Mahalo.  I crumpled the note and threw it in the recycle bin.

            What the hell else could she say?  She doesn’t want to lead me on, give me false hope, or lie to me.  And I would have been led on, gotten hope and believed exactly that.  My ‘can be out of control’ mind would have called out, “She still loves me.  There’s a chance!”  She doesn’t and there isn’t.  But really.  Mahalo?

            Yeah.  Reality has been looking for a place to sit..  The truth emblazoned on a rock outside my front door, or exclaimed in a fashion I can comprehend, is, it is done.  Ended,  Kaput, Finis.  Non existent.  She doesn’t love me any more.  Flat out over.

            Not that mahalo is an inappropriate word. It’s actually a very nice word because it is usually said only with sincerity. 

            So Mahalo was her correct choice of vocabulary.

            I just didn’t want to read it.  Not her problem, just an immature outburst on my part.  It hurt, not because she wrote it, but because I didn’t want to hear it.  That’s the damnation of this whole thing.  I am lost in a fantasy world and she is in reality mode.   I dream, she moves on.

            The course my heart follows is under my long term control.  It’s the short term that I seem unable to apply brake pressure to.  It is like trying to put a snail in a frog’s mouth.  The shell is too big and the frog doesn’t like escargot.  It has to be starving and the snail needs to be starved to where it will even fit.  It’ll happen but who knows when.

            So what do I do with the remaining writing I haven’t given her.  I don’t want another note that says ‘mahalo’.  But even if it was months ago, I did write it for her.  She should get it.  I guess.  I can make sure she does without contact.  But what if I do get another note that says ‘mahalo’?

            I’ll just have to have a minor tantrum, curse the note, shout “Mahalo? She wrote Mahalo!”, and crumple the note, toss it at the recycle bin, and probably  miss.  So I will cuss some more, pick the note up, call it stupid and throw it at the recycle bin again. 

            What happened?  Well, my ex gf just sent me a note thanking me for the poems, free verse, sayings I composed and created then put together over a period of about four months, especially for her. She told me that no one had ever done that for her and continued to rave about how much she appreciated it.                                     

            Mahalo?  Seriously?