yobech505

Losing Sleep

What is the protocol for dealing with what once was, but isn’t, with someone who your feelings haven’t change for, who’s connection to you has changed, at a time when you are still trying to deal with what the hell happened in the first place?

It’s like creating an agenda for a goldfish race.  What time do the fish want to start?  Where is the starting line?  What are the qualifications that would allow the little orange rascals to enter the competition in the first place?  Do you include time trials?  Is there a pole position?  Is the winner the one who FINnishes first (Ewwwww, bad pun!)  It would take a long time and to what concluding purpose do we strive to end the whole tham ding?

It keeps me awake. 

The hard part, of course, is all the other fecal matter that fits into the little spaces of thought and makes it even harder to answer the question you were asking in the first place. 

What is it about trying to sleep that keeps a person from going to sleep in the anyway?  We’re tired.  Sometimes exhausted.  We’ve been awake for awhile, so it’s only a natural course to take that says, “Guess what? Time to go to sleep.”  We all know it and we all just lie there, blatant in awakeness, unable to shut off the organ between our ears.

This is supposed to be about relationships, or the absence of one, or the crumbling of one.  Oh. It is also supposed to be how this interaction, or the missing part of it, keeps us awake. 

We all figure that, by the time we decide not to look at our cursed alarm clock any more (usually around  4 a.m.), we will nod off and actually sleep. Of course, that is directionally proportional to the time we have to get up.  If we don’t rise until after nine, sleep will show up about 1:30 a.m. or so.  But if it’s 5:30 start time, you can bet 4:30 will be sleep time.

All because of the relationship thing. 

So, those of you in are in active relationships can ignore most of what is on this page.  Your only concern is a snoring partner, a bed hog or some other spatial infraction that is apt to make you uncomfortable but not necessarily brain lit.  Restless sleep versus no sleep at all.

What I am going to do is sit back and think about that original protocol, if it takes all night!